To be or Not to be

Normally I just talk about the kids, but this post is all mommy related. I had my two older children when I was young. So I have had children for a good portion of my life. I gave up everything, worked, and put everything into my kids. I don’t regret a moment of it and love my children dearly. My life has always revolved around them.

When they were both in school I went back to college and got my degree in nursing. I went to school when they were in school and worked three nights a week at the hospital when they slept. It was hard and I didn’t get much sleep but it worked. When I became an RN it allowed me more time with the kids and Michael. We traveled around a lot for about 4 years (travel nursing) until we started to settle down again and got pregnant with the triplets. It was fun, we got to go to California and Washington state, meet new people, and experience new things. What’s the point to all of this? Due to our moving around, dedicating everything to my family, and then pretty much being a shut in for the last year and a half due to the pregnancy and first crazy year of triplets, I feel like I have lost touch with my social side. I was always a social person, friends dropping by and hanging out, and so on. For the last 10 years, most of my interactions have been with co workers, family, and kids, because I have been so busy and traveling. I am not complaining by any means, I love my life and am happy with my choices, I just feel like I lost some communication skills. I find myself hanging out with some of the women in my MoMs group and not knowing what to say. It doesn’t help that I am not a funny person and when I try to be, I feel like people look at me like I’m crazy. I never seems to say the right things, or what I am trying to say comes out all wrong. I really want to make some new friends and there are a few that I have been able to hang out with several times and really like. I just am not sure how I come off or how they see me.  They are really nice to me but I still feel like I am on the outside. Perhaps it just takes some time. Perhaps I am just being insecure and nervous since this is been the first time I have hung out with anyone for quite some time, no less it being the first time I have hung out with a bunch of moms (not at work). There is really no point to this post… just some thoughts/ concerns and no one to share them with besides this tiny flat screen and keyboard. I wonder if anyone else feels this way at some point or another?